Going to the dentist can be challenging for children. It’s uncomfortable and knowing that there might be pain involved makes it stressful. Most parents do what they can to put their children’s minds at ease to alleviate the anxiety that they may face. But what do you do when the stress that comes from going to the dentist has nothing to with any procedural work, but from how you are treated?
When I was little, going to my family dentist was an experience of repeated humiliation. Although I didn’t have the words for it at the time, I would feel dehumanized by my dentist’s actions. During my visits he would rub my hair and marvel over the texture. He would act as though my hair was the strangest thing that he had encountered. Then, he would call in the hygienists and receptionist to come and feel my hair as though I was the star attraction at a petting zoo. I could feel my ears burn with humiliation and I would rage inside, knowing that this was wrong. I was a 7-year old little Black boy, and I was taught to be polite almost to the point of being deferential. I am unsure if I ever told my parents, but I still remember how much I hated it each time it would happen.
To some, this might not be considered racism, but quite simply, they would be wrong. Exotifying my features or aspects of my body only amplifies the notion of being different, being the “other” to those who feel that they are in control. Actions like that are reductive, insulting, and belittling and maintains the concept of there is only one “normal” way to be.
Micro-aggressions that are wrapped in curiosity are acts of selfishness and domination without considering the feelings of others. They add up one, by one and build inside of you. I remember those times of being “petted” by those people 46 years later, and I still rage inside. I still rage inside whenever I think of any racist experiences I have lived through, but wearing the mask of calmness and stoicism in order to make others feel comfortable is no longer an option if things are truly going to change.